5月总结

W1

最近在听：混沌布吉、有耳朵的机器人之歌

week 2

0507

1：05

整理了下乱七八糟的书堆。

初三暑假原来已经是很久很久以前了，远得回忆起来有些怅然若失。

夏日，但记不起有蝉鸣，只记得潮湿的空调和喘息的吊扇。寻找着宿舍楼在哪一栋，转遍了整个住宿区，虽然看起来绕了远路，但其实只是想转一转。

门还开着，表明时间并不晚。楼道黑压压的，大盆小盆从我身旁擦过，鼻腔中充斥着化学品的香味。

在宿管命令全部躺下的喊声中，忙碌的声音也纷纷落下了，午休时间到。

但不会就这样躺过去的。舍友们趴在床上写题，自己也在读书——只不过是发的课外书，以此消磨时间。题什么的，好像还能放一放。下铺的床躺起来空空的，合上书，闭上眼，手耷下床沿触不到地板，便可展开想象：自己其实正躺在一栋摩天大楼的天台上——面积相当于这张床的。

还可以捂着手表的扬声器，偷偷听歌。

虽然那时候的我还是很紧张的吧。「错过新高一暑假的预习机会，后面追会很难的。」班主任在一节课上严肃地讲。

可是——无论是没有拼尽全力的初中，还是彻底摆烂的高中，还是其他什么——后悔的感觉之类的，不知何时想不起来了：如今结束了新授课，学的啥也不是，也只会给自己打气说，一轮复习，还有救。

数学讲了亿些预备知识便进行了小测，老师表扬了全对的十几名同学，而自己看着扣了十几分的卷子，开始了自我怀疑。中考理科成绩并不算很突出，是这个原因吗？而三个月后仍然选择了纯理。

窗外漆黑漆黑的，灯光下的教室更宽敞了，人数也是原来的二倍。晚自习很冷，空调没有关，自己用铅笔在桌子上划着字，不知道为什么流泪。寒气透过皮肤，此时是学校最像学校的时刻。这所学校的感觉是什么样的？无论在哪里，哪怕是刚刚去过的油气腾腾的食堂，都像是有雨云在上面堆积着似的，不知道晴天在哪里。

…

我本来会收到经历过那些之前——还没有中考的我写给自己的时光邮件的，如果没有注销邮箱的话。她以为现在的我快要高考了。当初她绝对不会想到自己还要上一年吧？

此外信中应该还有几个幼稚的问题，很可惜回答全都很失望呢。像那几个显灵后又落空的生日愿望。

都好远，发生过的一切一切都离我好远，让我感到不安。只有字迹与笔触都在眼前，让我意识到我仍然是我。

week 3

大概都是在忙歌曲的构思，但是还没有构思完。

week 4

0519

go downstairs with two classmates. one ask me to bring a drink to him，but I declined him. I got my physics thick note book and 2 chemistry book, 1 biology book my mother bought, when I got home.

I have fear of death, I feel bad when I heard something about other people’s death… although I always thought about suicide. in fact I don’t want to end my life, I only want to end my suffering.

0520

Today I have middle term exam. in the morning is Chinese and physics, afternoon is chemistry and biology.

the desk of the classroom where I take exam is so dirty.

Every exam I dozed . Idk how can I overcome this feeling and be sober. so at noon I even thought give up the exam.

weather: cloudy and cold. morning I feel cold in my summer polo uniform. so in the afternoon I wear my jacket.

breakfast: fried cabbage and meat (I haven’t eaten much. cus it took salty) lunch: fried pickle and meat. (yum.) dinner: sweet peppers, potatoes and yam

my duster is kept by my deskmate, so it haven’t lost! I thanked her and took it home.

after exam in the afternoon, we bought an ice-cream with a cone and a strawberry milkshake. I like that.

0521

I can record the time I get up by screenshot in the electric watch. math and English in the afternoon, I was absent from school . I feel despair about my English writing in some situation. today’s composition is beyond my comfort zone . but I feel hopeful about maths

after bathing, I play with my tablet then sleep all the afternoon.

a painful abscess on the gum mouth ulcer sore…… yesterday and today I read a web novel. that makes me want to write novels. maybe I’m not used to lesbian romantic novels. I am more like a heterosexual.

breakfast and lunch: spicy potatoes and yam dinner: cucumber salad, steamed meat and mantou

0522

got up at 8:00 . I’m at home all day. I’m tired when I got up, and don’t want to learn new things, have no mood discipline. I’m revising math for the exam next month all day. in the afternoon I trim my nails. I would like to remain its length, in order to do something, but a long nail is easily broken, and there is more like to have dirt under my nails when its long. 1:30 I fell asleep. before I fell asleep, I chat online and regret for myself, emo.

0523

7:40 get up in the afternoon I try new make up that my mom bought. make my skin better. but the Cocoa tastes bitter. ds said it’s healthy. do math bishuati all day.

本周歌曲